Conversations for a Hurting Heart
The original heartbreak
‘Recovering the capacity to give and receive love is not only the end of therapy, but it is also the means whereby every end is reached’. This quote from a truly beautiful book entitled, A General Theory of Love, describes the centrality of love to human life.
The fallout from the childhood strategy of closing down the heart, in order to protect against the failure to be met, is probably experienced almost universally in our culture. It could be described as the original heartbreak and the echoes of it’s fracture reverberate through our lives.
And the words which describe it, will sound familiar. I feel blocked, numb, sad, lonely and lost. I feel angry, used, can’t say no, can’t say yes. I need to be better than or feel the world is against me. I need you to love me, I can do this on my own, who am i?…. And on and on.
All of these stories speak of the loss of integrity we feel when we close down parts of our emotional centre, and it hurts.
How we protect
We need and long for the freedom to be able to deeply connect with ourselves and others, but also to be able to feel independent and autonomous. When we shut down the heart we innocently create for ourselves a ‘core dilemma’, because of course the need to connect and feel safe enough to be vulnerable remains - But then to fear and foreclose the very thing we need is an unspeakable bind to live with.
Our protective manoeuvres, are reflected somatically as we brace, harden and collapse ourselves in the physical body and adopt behaviours and stories that reflect back and confirm the pitfalls of love.
The conversation that heals
I love the concept of conversation as a metaphor for how we might undo the conclusions we once came to, so that we may open again and feel the fullness of our own life energy.
A conversation in it’s true sense is a relationship dynamic between parts that seeks to understand and honour the reality of what has happened and is happening now. When we can do this with full awareness in the present moment, an integration occurs that releases the need to hold on to old patterns so tightly, the system becomes free.
In the work I do as a craniosacral therapist, I aim to facilitate the conversations that need to be had between the self and the soma and between the child and the adult consciousness.
That may sound scary or complicated, but really all we do is gently and with care, learn to listen to the hurt parts whilst nurturing our capacity to hold love as our true selves. The healing happens as we understand in the deepest sense, how to rest in the knowledge that we are in fact loveable whole and true, through experiencing it in the body.
If you feel the need to have some conversations about a hurting heart, please get in touch.