How we abandon ourselves and how we return.
The need to be seen as ourselves
The deep and compelling need to ‘be ourselves’ is an imperative for us humans. Indeed it is only our very fancy human brains and mind that even enables us to enact our lives in a guise other than ‘ourselves’. We may be unique in struggling with this particular dilemma of identity.
There is no choice about a need, we just have it, it’s simply a requirement for a healthy life. Needs that aren’t met tend to not make us feel good.
I kind of assume that most of us had to modify our behaviour, or suppress something about how we needed to express ourselves when we were very young. This could have been as simple as learning to be ‘well behaved’, in order to get approval. There are of course many many ways that we might have been required to mute or change our true selves in order to maintain connection and belonging as children – we will do anything to avoid the devastating isolation of the loss of hope for love.
Our culture too, tears us away from the beautiful simplicity of our true needs, and seeks to transplant an ugly commoditized version. It creates a fantasy world where goods, power and status promise the peace that only the capacity to express authenticity can deliver, but It’s the love that’s woven into the fabric of approval, connection and validation that we’re really after.
We step away from our centre
So in order to protect against the heartbreak of not being seen, we step away from our centre and create new parts of us, some that stand guard against feeling and expressing needs and others that erroneously pursue external forms as a proxy for love.
Most of us then, are familiar with the ubiquitous ‘something missing’ feeling, a tone that ranges between a dim awareness to a searing disability, as we experience the fall out of a need not being met.
Reorienting the compass
I see the work that I do as a craniosacral therapist as reorienting the compass of love. We start from where you are, and gently shine a light on the path you need to take to find your way home.
We do this by creating safety and space within the therapeutic relationship. We take time to become familiar with patterns that keep us bound and learn how to be present with them. We also work to become comfortable with our true selves, gradually cultivating the courage to be vulnerable again in the presence of another. This new understanding of how we organise ourselves fosters our sense of agency.
Agency is the path home
Agency is literally the path that allows us to see the patterns of our past illuminated with a new adult perspective that grows from self awareness; and with agency we instinctively know how we need to shift to reconnect.
If this post is ringing bells for you, i’d love you to get in touch.